Experimental Writing

 I would like to ask you on a date, But my mind is so filled with self-hate, Years alive is the time been alone, Years of interest unshown, Never accepted always rejected,  A mindset irreversibly affected, You shine so bright, Don't want to burn in the light, So much left to live for, Myself feeling rotten to the core, I would do anything, For you to see me as something,  Rejecting my worse habits, If it would benefit,  Don't want to see you go, Without letting you know, So afraid to go unmasked, Don't want this question to go unasked.

 Life is a fevered grind, Continue to work with nothing on the mind, Day by day nothing changes, Nothing ventured, never ranges, Invisible unless in person,  The feelings steadily worsen, Belief in being an npc, Nothingness inevitability the key, Hope grows and causes the fall, Constantly dropping the ball, Unceasing perpetually tired, Trying hard not to be fired

 Crescent in the night, Waxing to a golden smile, Half moon's gentle glow.

  Not one but two, Sighing it all out with a low coo, Not two but one, It’s absolutely no fun, Not one but three, A feeling your not meant to be, Not three but four, You’re left flat, Face down on the floor, Not four but six, So much choice but you just don’t mix Not six but twelve, So much harder, much deeper to delve, Not twelve but twenty, It feels more than plenty, Not twenty but fifty, Not feeling so nifty, Not fifty but a hundred, Feeling nothing but dread, Not a hundred but one, Here alone feels best, I believe I am done

  A decision to cut all contact, To disable and delete, A feeling by itself may be an overact, All to try and avoid the inevitable repeat, No one dislikes me more than myself, Trying to reach out but in the end I feel more alone, Not being truly honest with oneself, As with no reaction on and on I drone, Doomed to explore with no one to discuss, Playing games meant for more by my own, I just dissapear with no fuss, Again and again alone, The cycle repeats and hurts so much, An inevitable regression, A longing for a single touch, A rising want to be a possession, The hope rising higher and higher, The distance from the ground so far away, Trying to be honest so hard not to be a liar, That feeling of hope always comes back to pay, For as I go so high to the siren call, It disappears in an instant, And we all know the higher you are the harder the fall, Then it’s regressio,   the cycle is persistent It’s maddening to repeat again ...

  I am nothing but a tool, A well meaning fool A life without purpose or meaning   No goal, no drive, and no one for leaning, Try again and again and get nothing but Rejection, All towards seeing a clearer reflection, Though I may be dismissed without a thought, Someone else can be accepted without being sought, The only lesson that can be found, Is I am useless pound per pound, So I am here for no other reason than to just exist, As I drudge along and barely persist, There is no reason to this continuing pain, There is nothing for me to gain, I do not strive for something better, As life has given me this letter , “You have no purpose, and no one will ever accept, You are a failure, a terrible bet, No one cares about you, Trying to clasp to someone, but they will never pursue, The only place for you is in misery and strife, As you are absolutely just a waste of a life, You deserve no goals, no one, and nothing, The only thing fo...